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Posts Tagged ‘Hummer’

No more Hummers!

I am very happy to hear that the Hummer brand is likely to disappear, but before I explain my glee, I must qualify my comments. Without a doubt, I am deeply sorry for the people who have lost or will lose work or any type of income over this. Especially the ones who drive Priuses.

Obviously, The Hummer was an environmental nightmare, but that’s not the real reason I hate this vehicle. I really hate the vehicle because of what it seems to do to people.

A friend of mine told me a wonderful story that, for me, really says it all. He lived in an apartment and drove a small, fuel efficient automobile.

On frequent occasions while leaving his apartment complex parking area, he would find himself blocked by a Hummer heading in the opposite direction. Because the Hummer was so wide, and the apartment complex street, so narrow, the two cars could not pass. Therefore, one car would need to back up into a parking berth so the other could pass.

On the first such occasion, my friend politely backed up and allowed the beast through. On the second occasion, he paused for a moment, assuming that the Hummer driver would allow him through first. After all, that would only be neighborly.

The Hummer did no such thing. Again, my friend had to be the neighborly one. Subsequently, my friend found himself backing down from this auto-bully repeatedly for the next few months.

Eventually, however, my friend took a stand. On this morning, he had a full mug of coffee, and a strong mind to stand up for himself and his fuel efficient vehicle.

So this time, when the Hummer lumbered into the center of the road, my friend steered into the center as well to face his nemesis head on. He swigged his coffee and slowly but decisively inched forward.

At first, the Hummer held its ground, but my friend didn’t flinch. He didn’t slow, he didn’t swerve, he didn’t signal, he didn’t hesitate, and most important, he didn’t cry. Once he reached the Hummer’s front bumper, he revved his engine and honked his horn as if to command, “You will move out of my way, or there’s going to be trouble!” Okay, maybe with his car it sounded more like, “Ah come on fella, let me through this time!” Either way, the Hummer got the message.

After what seemed like hours the Hummer pulled backwards into a parking berth and stewed while my friend zipped by in glorious victory.

I’m guessing the Hummer had to eventually back down because it would have run out of gas eventually, but I digress. The point of the story is that the Hummer, aside from being a completely useless vehicle for suburban streets, also seemed to be the epitome of the Compensate for my own Insecurities Through my Vehicle Syndrome, or CITVS, which is a syndrome that I just made up.

How do I know that the driver of the Hummer was compensating? Well, first let’s take the fact that he or she lives in an apartment and drives a car that costs about as much as a home. Second, because the Hummer, like all Hummers, was clean. No dirt! If he’s not using it off-road, what other reason is there to own one?

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